Fear of Girls…wait, I’m a Girl!

When I saw this video, I had about 20 reactions. It’s funny, for sure, and well done. However, sometimes the truth hurts, and I’ve said some of the quotes from the film. If I can’t laugh at myself, then I have ignored my best source of humorous material!

The sister-in-law ruins it with poor acting. All of her scenes were bad, except the dinner table one where she doesn’t speak. I was nearly laughing out loud at that. Maybe partly the situation, and partly the fact that most religion’s prayers sound eerily similar.

I don’t appreciate the implied celibate-homosexuality, because it’s just one of those few topics I don’t find funny. Maybe because too many people from all walks of life are having serious struggles with it and my compassion for them overrides the humor.

The Gen Con shirt and other touches indicate that the filmmakers really know their subject matter, and as such, must have been gamers at some point. Every hobby has its extreme members. Gamers are one of the easiest comedic targets. But we aren’t all the same…

Mr. & Mrs Smith directed by Doug Liman

IMDb link

Yet again, I’m dragged to see a movie I didn’t want to see. However, my annoyance at certain actors should have nothing to do with my enjoyment of a movie.

The most striking part of the movie is its color scheme. Most of the costuming and scene dressings are in neutrals- check Mr. Pitt in a light cream shirt, beige sweater, and tan sport coat. The set design follows similar patterns, but it isn’t boring: I would call it vibrant neutrals, but that doesn’t quite capture my meaning. The movie is full of textural interest without being garishly colored.

This is all very beautiful and only fitting when two of the western world’s most visually stunning people are on one screen. The smooth bedside lamps and beautiful silk damask comforter create an almost tactile scene, but the two actors make the final addition to that beauty. The only flaw is when the costume changes are only for costume’s sake, such as matching suits for the two Smiths complete with eyewear. Their first scene in this garb looks more like a catwalk than armed maneuvers in combat.

Suspension of disbelief is a must for this film. Each situation is elaborately impossible; however, the film is not trying for realism or any heavy messages. As the plot unfolds, the physical surroundings deteriorate in a way that somehow reminds me of sexy, tousled hair.

The acting is very good, with Pitt in the type of role he used to eschew before Meet Joe Black. Many a heart fluttered with joy when he started to embrace his status. He adds his own quirks to the role, supplying a well-acted performance. Jolie is at her most beautiful; I know that an actor is perfect when I can’t visualize someone else in the role. To boot, Vince Vaughn’s comic relief is not overly slapstick and humiliating, and he delivers with heart and humor. Not too bad on the eyes either. Mmm mmm.

Of course, nearly the entire thing is implausible, but the movie is a fun little romp that is worth a look if you like action movies.

[rate 3.5]

The Island directed by Michael Bay

IMDb link

I keep mentioning actors I dislike, so let me start this review by mentioning one I like: Ewan McGregor. From the bizarre but powerful Trainspotting to the Bizarro but entertaining Moulin Rouge, he delivers powerful performances almost every time. Even with weaker scripts (read: Episode II), McGregor give the part everything he has.

Despite my misgivings from seeing trailers, I Netflixed the film. The trailers give away the “big secret??? that the wealthy of the future create clones of themselves. It’s tragic that they did so; all this film had going for it was suspense. Better films can be reminiscent of a Shakespearean play: give away the entire plot before the film begins, and see how a quality script- rich with dialogue and insight- unfolds. It’s no less of an impact than if the plot is not revealed.

The film is slick, but it doesn’t look like the future: it looks like a cool interior design for 2005. I usually love to marvel at the inventions of film: a screenwriter is not tied to budget or plausibility and is free to invent impossible technologies. I was nonplussed by The Island.
Of course, the lesson of the film is that Clones Are People Too and that we should Be Careful With Genetics. Um… who doesn’t already know this? I am worried that our ability with technology has outpaced our ability to handle the ethical problems, but who isn’t?

Scarlet Johanssen delivers as good of a performance as can an ingénue with a poor script. The saving grace of the film was that Ewan McGregor delivers, as usual, a magnificent performance.

If you want to see a vapid movie with no brain or heart, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

[rate 1.5]

Serenity directed by Joss Whedon

IMDb link

A note to the anti-science fiction crowd: please keep reading. It’s worth it.

This marks the third time I’ve seen this movie, and it most certainly is not the last time. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention why this movie was made.

While at GenCon this year, some of my cronies were watching scenes from a movie called Serenity, and buying books called Firefly to be autographed by Ron Glass. They were very excited about it, but I had never even heard of it.

Then my evil friend Oz lent me his DVDs of the Firefly series, a show that was cancelled midseason before some of the episodes ever aired. The network had poorly promoted it, then moved the time slot several times. Seriously, how did I not hear of this until it was off the air for two years? About halfway through the second show, I exclaimed, “why was this cancelled?!?” It is a question that has been asked by me- and by millions of others- countless times. Needless to say, as a geek and a lover of good dialogue, I was hooked. I won’t review the entire series here, but I recommend it highly to anyone who would like to watch it.

I had missed the special BrownCoats screening that was held a few months before the general release. As Joss Whedon says in his intro, this movie was a miracle. Failed TV shows aren’t made into major motion pictures. But the fan base that had built was so tenacious that the movie was made.

The movie had a shoestring budget of $40 million (that is low for a SciFi picture), but most of the effects are very good. The things that distinguish this film from most in its genre is that A) there are no aliens and B) there is a plot.

The movie doesn’t rely on elaborate alien beings (no JarJar here!) to be visually interesting, and the musical score is amazing. The first time we see the spaceship Serenity, the score has an amazing crescendo in keeping with the Wild West flavor of the television series. I had chills the first time I saw it- and this time too.

The world created is interesting- allow me to explain. No, takes too long, let me sum up: of the superpowers on earth, North American and Mandarin Chinese cultures have survived (with a bit of Indian flavor on the Registered Companions- the new Geishas). Both languages are spoken in the film, but Mandarin is reserved mostly for cursing, so don’t worry about needing new language skills. The ship is a “Firefly” class (hence the series name) and the specific vessel is Serenity (hence the title). Some of the more interesting background plot points are explained in the DVD’s deleted scenes.

Joss Whedon is clever, funny, and inventive with his script, creating a world of the future that seems plausible (no Tribbles here!) and interesting. Best of all, though the world itself is fascinating, the movie would carry just as well if it were set on present-day earth. The film isn’t leaning on its SciFi roots and settling for interesting concepts and fun special effects. The characters are each interesting (except for Inara, who tragically has so little screen time that unless you’ve seen the series, you’re out of luck. Go buy the TV series on DVD…but again, I digress).

This is worth at least one look by anyone who enjoys action movies with good dialogue (what a rarity!), and is worth multiple viewings by all of us nerds. For the supernerds, quoting the movie’s quasi-western-southern slang is necessary. For the UltraNerd: quote the Mandarin Chinese.

Don’t rent it. BUY IT!!!

[rate 5.0]

Snow Falling on Cedars directed by Scott Hicks

IMDb link

The tagline “first loves last. Forever” and the title of this movie relegated it to- please accept my apologies- Chick Flick status in my book, and relegated this movie to the back of my DVD cabinet for four years. It was free with purchase of some software, though I can’t remember what. Then, my mother-in-law was in town, and it seemed like a good movie to watch with her, plus a friend had recommended it no more than a week ago.

The movie begins slowly through the mist, and I was uncomfortably edgy. I have been watching lots of action movies, Justice League cartoons, and grisly thrillers. It took me the entire opening sequence to become accustomed to the pacing. This pacing continues throughout the film. Even through the highest drama sequences, the pace is deliberate.

The opening sequence is of a fishing boat in the mist and the plot surrounds this incident. The creaking of the fishing boat, the flames of the lamp, and the sounds of the fog are repeated throughout the movie. Other than the forest, the whole movie seems to take place on a vessel, not dry land. The courtroom in particular mirrors the fishing vessel- right down to a scene where oil lamps are lighted. Visual quality of this film is incredible, and carries the Japanese tradition of deliberate visual art. However, this visual nature becomes very heavy-handed at times, such as a scene showing a cedar branch with water rushing over it on the floor. The shot lingers a little too long, saying “look at me! I’m visually symbolic!”

The plot was very interesting, and definitely kept me engaged. The characters are richly painted and their tribulations are real and relevant, both to the time of the film (WWII-era) and to current times. The plot does struggle under its own weight as it shows the Japanese-American war camps, but recovers nicely as Hatsue (Youki Kudoh) develops. The character development, visual flashbacks and themes, and general melancholy of the entire film are all reminiscent of The Sweet Hereafter (another tragic but excellent picture).

Finally, I enjoyed the film’s treatment of first young love. I can’t really say more than that without revealing more than I would like about the plot. This film appeals to a wide audience and should make it onto your Netflix list.

[rate 3.5]

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe directed by Andrew Adamson

IMDb link

As an RPG fan, The Lord of the Rings trilogy land (Middle Earth) is often the universe where the games are played. However, the books that made me a roleplayer- that opened my imagination- were the Chronicles. Therefore, I anxiously awaited this movie to see the characters of my imagination brought to cinematic life. And it’s true that my nostalgia brought tears to my eyes a couple of times.

The film shows a brilliant fantasy texture with bright colors and gorgeous scenery. The wide array of creatures was stunning and interesting. I loved all of the big cats in battle, and seeing them bearing down on the camera as they rushed into battle made my heart pound. In the final battle, am I the only one who saw Chewie?? Was Chewbacca in Narnia as an homage to the fantasy genre?

But arguably the best part of the film was Lucy Pevensie (played by Georgie Henley). This little actor delivers a variety of emotions without bringing the film to a syrupy consistency. Her massive amount of screen time could have broken the film, but she played the part very well. The part of Saint Peter- I mean, Peter (played by William Moseley)- tends to be a bit foppish and reminded me of mama’s boy Wesley Crusher. One of my favorite actors, Liam Neeson, voices the Lion; his voice was too much Liam and not enough Lion. I think that lack of voice range was intentional, drawing on Neeson’s long history as the protagonist in many films and evoking a quick audience affection for the just Lion.

Tilda Swinson plays the White Witch’s bipolar nature very well. Her costuming was artful, though occasionally it looked a bit like the material was made of handmade paper or the remains in my lint trap. The costume for the major battle, with its lion’s mane and headdress, was the best costume of the film.

I almost hate to mention the following because I’m sure this movie’s creators are already tired of hearing it: doubtless many reviews will draw parallels to the LoTR film trilogy. And yes, at first glance, there are many similarities. I do think that some of the shots were too similar to battle scenes from LoTR, but then, all open-field battles and all fantasy films will be compared to LoTR as the gold standard for many years to come. As for plot similarities, they both draw on the New Testament, so hello, of course there will be similarities. Not only that, but the book authors are contemporaries, so writing style and theme comparability are expected. The Christian symbolism is alive and well and obvious throughout Narnia.

The Narnia books are shorter and less complex fare that translates very well into a feature film with very little cut from it. Despite the obvious parallels other films, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe stands alone as an excellent fantasy film for children, with something for older viewers as well.

[rate 3.5]

Adaptation. directed by Spike Jonze

IMDb link

“The play’s th’ thing!” While Shakespeare’s play within a play may have been one of the first, Adaptation. seeks again to use the theatre as both means and end. Nicholas Cage surprised me with his effective performances as the Kaufman twins. The best part of his performance is that unlike many people who play twins, Cage does not make them into charicatures; each twin has a wide range of emotion and reaction. The special effects that put the two in the same room or car are also very well done. But a note to the author: I can’t stand split screen. It’s not the author’s fault, but I spend more time looking at the actor and effects and lose the scene’s meaning as a result. A touch of adult attention defecit on my part. Sometime’s I’m just a monkey looking for a shiny toy, easily distracted.

Where was I? Oh, right.

The story focuses on a screenwriter, Charlie Kaufman, with terrible writer’s block and a horrible case of personal inertia. I’ve been there. He’s staring at a blank page and decides to use coffee as a reward when he has typed something. I have had the same thought, using an artificial carrot on a stick to propel myself forward on an otherwise unrewarding task. As the movie unfolds, the choppy and confusing style at the beginning make complete sense: we are the test audience for the screenwriter’s failed attempts.

Every performance is very well executed, delivering the movie in a way that can’t be done by lesser actors. The film’s mockery of Hollywood, of writers, of itself is so interwoven that sometimes it’s hard to tell where the sarcasm ends. At one point in the film I questioned if Charlie’s twin Donnie had taken over and was writing the ending. The constant mockery is also a clever way to excuse any of the things that don’t work. If one doesn’t like a visual effect, such as starting the movie with voice on a black screen, the film’s authors can claim it was part of the entire idea of a poorly written movie. The story, the actual tale about flowers and the orchid thief, was a perfectly ordinary Hollywood piece. Only the book within a screenplay within a movie revives the interest.

The characters and erratic plot connections are dark and Magnolia-esque, but the device is successful…and no frogs this time.

[rate 3.0]

Stealth directed by Rob Cohen

IMDb Description

I was dragged, kicking and screaming, to this movie even though I watched it at home. I had seen bad reviews, and the reviews were right. Like many action movies with no real plot, the premise revolves around one individual having a serious lack of both morals and knowledge of consequence. It also contains the requisite Nice Guy who Bites It.

WARNING: This paragraph will ruin the plot (if you want to call it that) if you haven’t seen the movie. Jamie Foxx, revered as a chameleon of an actor with the ability to display a multitude of tragic emotions as well as comedic range, dies by being fooled into crashing into a mountain. His performance (driven by a bad script) was so flat that I didn’t feel sad when he died, though he was a main character. I was too busy questioning how one of the top three pilots in the entire navy crashed head-on into a mountain with a little provocation by a droid ship.

The special effects looked very good, but the soundtrack was weak in content and delivery: the music was forgettable and did not use the full range of the surround sound capabilities. Air Force One is still my reference standard.

One saving grace: Jessica Biel looks incredible and was fun to watch.

Don’t waste your rental fees or Netflix time.
[rate 0.5]

Hotel Rwanda directed by Terry George

IMDb Description

Let me start by saying that Nick Nolte is IMHO one of the most annoying actors on the planet. Like Tom Cruise, he cannot be mercuric enough to meld into a role: even when the film is fantastic, you still know it’s Nick Nolte, not his character. Not so in this film. This is Nolte’s best performance, and there were many moments when I forgot the actor and saw Colonel Oliver instead.

Joaquin Phoenix delivers a strong performance as one of the minor characters. He is a journalist risking his life to document the situation in Rwanda. It is a testament to the skill of the writing and direction that the character, though he has little screen time, is fully developed and the audience understands him and his personal struggles. He delivers the line that affected me most: when speaking to Rusesabagina (Don Cheadle), he says (I’m paraphrasing here) that he’s afraid that people will see what is happening in Rwanda on the evening news, they will say “how terrible,??? and they will do nothing. It’s a chilling line… and it’s true.

Speaking of Cheadle, this is an actor with serious range. I’ve almost always enjoyed his films, and this is no exception. He plays the role as a brilliantly understated man. He could have made the role into an angst-ridden, larger-than-life martyr. The brilliance is that it shows how Rusesabagina starts as a complex and intelligent man, and accepts his role as savior to first his neighbors, then savior to over a thousand people.

My favorite impression of the film is that the people attempted to maintain normalcy even though everything was falling apart. When under extreme stress such as cancer, individuals stop caring how they look. One of the first signs of remission is when the patient starts combing their hair or wearing makeup: they have hope for the future. While wearing a shirt and tie in the face of genocide may seem frivolous, it is this very attempt at composure that allows the hotel staff and guests to maintain it.

The colors, bright and brilliant at first, become muddied as the film progresses, and show their brilliance again in key scenes. The costuming was perfect and the texture of the film is fluid. The sound of the African songs filled the room with deep bass and incredibly moving rhythm. The theme song in particular displayed a great range of highs and lows, with rhythm that begs the audience to stand up and move…just like the film itself does.

I went into my home theatre to be entertained and came out wanting to change the world. While Rwanda may not be in the ruin it was at the time of this film, Sudan and many other parts of subSaharan Africa desparately need help. Closer to home, Haiti struggles under corruption.

I will not watch the evening news and do nothing.

[rate 4.0]