22 to Go

I’m feeling pretty good about the weight loss. It’s slowed to a crawl, but a healthy one; about 1 pound per week. It’s distressing to think I still have 22 weeks to go, but I’m satisfied.

In fact, I stuffed myself into some non-maternity pants today. The seams are feeling a bit challenged! But I did it. And I’m focusing on the positive.

It amazes me that, with 22 left to go, I’ve already lost something like 50 pounds from my highest weight (of course, the baby weighed about 8 of that, but you see what I’m saying here). While I stood on the scale, I had Carlton push on my shoulders as hard as he could. Fifty pounds is quite a bit! It’s not suprising that my heart nearly gave out, trying to support all the extra fat as well as the new life.

Last night was rough. Ainsley ate at 5:00PM, 6:30PM, 7:30PM, 8:30PM, 10:00PM, 12:00AM, 4:00AM, and 5:00AM. She ate so much that I had to unfreeze some milk because I was totally out. I feel like the walking dead. She does this occasionally, and it may be an indicator that she’s ready to have other sources of nutrition. We’ll see if this is a trend.

Lucky for me, I had family around to help with some of those later feedings. I’m still exhausted- partially emotionally. It is no fun to listen to my baby cry from hunger. I’m OK with fussy cries, crying herself to sleep, and the occasional whining, but when she’s just begging for food, it is really hard on my psyche.

But she is such a joy. When I walk in the room, she beams a smile and wiggles. My mom said, “she smiles with her whole body.” I’m so lucky to have her in my life. Last night may have been frustrating, but I was never upset with her.

I’m so tired I could throw up.

Life has never been so wonderful.