It’s my first official Mother’s Day. However, last year, I was already 6 months pregnant and let me tell you, being a mom was already affecting me.
What strikes me most is how much more I value my own mom. She’s always been great and I have always been good friends with her. I guess I just didn’t realize the depth of her sacrifices and how hard this job really is. She is such a smart and wonderful person and she raised three kids in some very difficult times.
Finally, and this is the hard part…I guess I don’t feel like that great of a mom. I feel like I do the minimum required. Yes, I read to her and I make her food and I keep her safe, but I thought that I’d feel much more satisfied with my own performance. When I make a meal, I can pretty objectively tell if it’s any good. True, my daughter isn’t a plate of nachos, but I think what I’m saying is that I am usually a decent judge of how I’m doing.
So the fact that I’m so blah about my performance makes me think I really am just doing the minimum. I wish I thought I were a great mom like everyone says I am. But I feel more like the one who lives in mediocrity. Is it OK to give her salty crackers? Will too much cow’s milk (once she turns one year old) cause hormone problems? Can I give her anxiety if I keep her room too neat? Am I spoiling her with all the applesauce when I’m too tired to put forth the effort to feed her avocado? Does she need a bath more often? Will she wish she had a different mommy?
I guess that’s all. I realize this post is quite a downer compared to most, and I almost didn’t post it. But it’s true and so I’m clicking “publish.”