Ainsley is three months old. Time doesn’t fly. For some reason, this has been a very long three months. Maybe it’s because I’ve felt so many emotional highs and lows over the past 90 days; maybe it’s just that I’ve been awake a larger percentage of the time!  But it doesn’t feel extra long because it’s been awful; it has been a lot of fun.  Lately she’s been smiling and cooing a lot and that is very rewarding.

She changes little by little; a new facial expression, a new fat roll, a new skill. My flexible work schedule means that I’m not missing her grow. My wonderful husband makes sure that sometimes I do miss it: he takes over and lets me sleep.

I’m still new enough at this that I miss my freedom.  Every nap is a brief chance to go back to “single” behavior: watching a movie, cleaning the house, blogging, cooking.  As she grows, she’s awake more, and that flexibility to do stuff other than educate her…well, it’s dwindling.  I don’t want to be the kind of parent who absentmindedly carries the baby around without really paying attention to her; on the flip side, I don’t want to coddle her too much and stifle her independence.

Happy three months on this side of the world, little one.  I hope I can be a good mommy.